WE'RE TALKING BIG MONEY
HERE
by Stuart Swersie
(1997)
I'm
sitting here separating the plies in this box of tissues and I'm damn mad.
Another repair bill on the old Ford station wagon and my budget is shot. I just
can't stay ahead of the game. So, it's austerity time once more, time to cut
corners where I can and make the system work for me.
Oh,
the tissues? There are 250 in a box. By separating the 2-ply into 1-ply I get 500
tissues. That's a 100% saving on this one item alone. Multiply that by 34 boxes
a year and it starts to add up. One caution with the 1-ply, don't blow to hard,
there is leakage.
It's a fact that the average sentence
contains the letter "i" 6.72% of the time. Do you realize the amount
of ink you save by not dotting the "i"? You're talking several BIC's a
year right there.
That letter I got this morning from aunt
Mary, I steamed it open, read it, and wrote out my reply. I placed the letter in
her envelope, re-sealed it, put a line through my name and address, wrote in
bold print REFUSED - RETURN TO SENDER, and put it in the mailbox. That's another
32-cents in my pocket. This can add up over a few months if the post office
doesn't catch on.
I already cut down on my breakfast
cereal. Before this financial crunch occurred, I wantonly poured more than 1500
Rice Krispies in my bowl at breakfast time. Now, by reducing the pour by 10%,
150 Krispies, I get an extra breakfast out of each box. Add that up over a few
years time!
There are a host of other dollar-saving
opportunities that I'm working on. When my neighbor goes on vacation, I use his
outside electric outlet for my edger and his water tap for my sprinklers. He
wasn't aware of it last year so I don't expect any flack from him now.
If you're upwind of me, you'll never notice that I've cut down on my underarm deodorant.
By clever maneuvering and avoiding crowds I'll save a fortune on this one.
There are several other opportunities I'm investigating. If it's true that you
use gallons of gasoline by driving forward, can you imagine adding tank full
after tank full by going in reverse? And my hearing aid batteries, I'm testing
the theory that they supply power only when you are actually listening to
sounds. I've been ignoring my wife for nearly a week now and should have the
results soon. In the meantime she's giving me the silent treatment...an added
bonus.
I admit that none of these alone represent great
savings, collectively they give you a breather and respite from financial
disaster. From little acorns some the mighty oak. We're talking big money here.