AIN'T RETIREMENT GREAT
by Stuart Swersie
(November 1996)
I
wasn't going to let a bad round of golf ruin my day so when I got home and saw
my wife transplanting a small tree I smiled my biggest smile and told her how
nice it looked in the spot she picked. She wiped the perspiration from her face
with her free hand and told me she'd be in to make lunch in just a few minutes.
I begged her not to hurry as I hadn't had a chance to read the paper yet and
would be busy with that until lunch.
Later that day I was
agonizing over a crossword puzzle when I became aware of the hum of the vacuum
cleaner. There she was making the nap on six rooms of wall-to-wall carpeting
stand at attention. I told her it looked great and went back to my puzzle. Even
though she asked me to move twice so she could vacuum under the table I still
managed to complete the puzzle in less than thirty minutes.
I'm an avid mystery novel fan and became engrossed in plots, clues and suspects,
so I find it most distracting when the phone rings when I'm reading and it takes
my wife a half-dozen rings to run in and answer the darn thing. More often than
not it's just some telephone solicitor and not even a personal call for her. If
it's for me I thank her with a big smile and let her go back to whatever she was
doing with that hammer and screwdriver.
Dinners at our
house are what I call super-suppers. That woman is a natural born creative chef.
She makes a feast out of virtually nothing and spends hours preparing the most
imaginative meals. Her salads are crisp, colorful, tasty bowls of
stomach-filling pleasure. Soups...hot, tangy, succulent. Dinner isn't just food
at our house, it's a major event. Fortunately, what with bowling, card games,
and fraternal order meetings, I can wolf down a five course meal in less than
twelve minutes and get out of the house in plenty of time to spend a leisurely
evening with the boys. I'm never in that much of a hurry where I don't tell her
how great dinner was.
I don't do car washing. Too much
stretching, reaching, and rubbing. Apparently my wife considers it a form of
aerobics and every few weeks or so, whether it needs it or not, she's out there
shining up the old station wagon. She's really into it...rags, soap, hose,
water, wax, the whole bit. Makes it look new. Makes me proud to drive it around
town.
In retrospect you've got to say one thing about
being retired, it sure saves you time to do the things you always wanted to. I
love it and I'm sure my wife does too. Just ask her.