MY "HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?"
LIST
by Stuart Swersie
(September 1996)
As you get older, there seems to be time to do a lot of the things the frenzy of youth denies us. I find that I now slowly and carefully peruse the literature and manuals that accompany the gadgets and conveniences available today. It makes fascinating reading and is most enlightening. In several instances, I have found logical explanations for phenomena that I had placed on my "How the hell does that happen?" list.
How many times have you weighed yourself at home only to have the scale in the doctor's office register 4 to 6 pounds higher? Too often for it to be a coincidence? Well, it's all there in the manufacturer's literature. You have to patiently dig it out.
Toleda Scale Company
Doctor's
Office Model No. 263
Operations Manual: page 27, paragraph 3a
Part
#601GID...Gravity Intensifier Dial
We all know that weight is the pull of gravity on a particular object. Years ago the scale manufacturers, cooperating with the A.M.A., incorporated the GID into the design of their Doctor's Office Models. Simply put, the doctors can increase the pull of gravity over the scale by a factor of 1 to 10, thereby adding as much as 6 pounds to your weight. In this way they can blame any number of conditions on your "weight problem," place you on a diet, manipulate your cholesterol, justify future visits...there's no end to the possibilities.
Have you ever been tooling along a back road, pushing 75, not another car in
sight, a single traffic light looms ahead at a crossroad, green in your favor?
You're less than 50 yards from the light and the darn thing turns red. You
screech to a halt, look around for the non-existent traffic it's controlling,
and wonder why it changed just as you approached.
Every
car, domestic or foreign, since 1947, has one. You just have to check your
manual. Toward the very end of the parts list you'll find RLA (Red Light
Activator.) In my 1988 station wagon it's located to the rear of the brake fluid
container, hidden by the steering box and a lot of spaghetti tubing. It's not
easy to get to it if you want to deactivate it. The auto manufacturers, working
closely with the nations police departments, see it as an additional source of
revenue. Go through any of the lights activated by RLA and...Gotcha.
The courses offered at local community colleges can provide interesting reading. Take "Waitressing 101." Under the sub-heading "Catch 'em With a Mouthful" is a brief description of how to subtly race across a crowded restaurant from a standing start, arrive at the table just as your diners overstuff their mouth or are spitting out globs of fat, smile and say "Is everything O.K. here?" sounding as if you really care.
I'm looking
forward to more of these fascinating items such as why light bulbs blow out just
as you turn on the lamp, why toothpaste cannot be put back into the tube, and
why banks always keep the paper clip you use to hold your money and deposit slip
together. That's a whole 'nother story.